After I had finally told the first girl, she had made a most disturbing reply and I was crushed with the overwhelming logic (at least to me at that time), of her remark. She said, "How would you like it if I wore men's clothing?" I did not know what to say to this. I like pretty girls, dressed in pretty girl's cloth- ing and I even prefer myself dressed in pretty girl's clothing... so my only answer could have been, "No, I wouldn't like you to wear men's clothing." This incident was most disturbing and made a profound impact on me at the time.

It was shortly thereafter that I again began to be overwhelmed with shame and self-recrimination and I was actually amazed that I, a man, should ever want to wear girl's things and I told myself that it was incredible. And so resolving that, "This is it, never again!" I threw all my feminine attire, including my new wig into the incinerator.

However, it was inevitable that I would very soon again yield to my unquenchable and still not understood longing and desire to dress in girl's clothing. Whatever the forces and longing for fem- ininity inside of me consisted of, they had already won.

The accepted beliefs and premises of society are quite power- ful and it is impossible to adequately describe the erratic struggle I conducted with myself, as I first attempted to be completely masculine, as defined by the "Rules" and then yielded to the pleasures ways and joys of femininity.

So Transvestia can be of tremendous value to all of us and it is comforting to learn that there are so many of both sexes who have only understanding to offer and I note with almost amaze- ment, that so many of the FPs written about in your publication remark that they have wives, girlfriends, or sisters who not only understand, but who actually approve and give assistance and help as well. Such is almost impossible to believe, but it gives me much comfort and hope.

19.